Transcription
Really, actually wonderful to be here and to see so many people. And I know John was telling me that these day-long events sort of went to sleep for three or four years. And so it's lovely to be part of resurrecting that, hopefully, and to see so many people. Is everyone comfortable? If you're on the floor and you're not particularly comfortable, please sit in a chair. As you can see, I'm sitting in a chair. There's no hierarchy of postures.
Okay, so today, I thought I would take a theme for the day, and we'll obviously be in sitting and walking meditation, but I want to take a theme. And that theme is "Letting Go of Judgment," letting go of the judging mind. So I want to explore this and come at it from a number of different angles.
First thing to say about that is, perhaps, what a common pattern it is for us all, as human beings, to find ourselves in: judging ourselves, certainly, judging others. And sometimes we have a sense that "No, it's just me or my mind that does that," and can be a bit embarrassed about it or whatever. But I see, it's extremely common, extremely common pattern. And really painful, really painful. We're certainly aware of the pain of it when we're turning the judgment in on ourselves, what a burden and constriction, and beating oneself with that.
But sometimes, when we're judging others, it's a little less clear that it's painful. And occasionally, if we're really honest with ourselves, we actually a little bit enjoy the judging of others. But again, if we look carefully, it's really a painful condition to have in the mind. It's something that brings with it pain. So in a way, judging, being wrapped up in judging, being caught up in judging, is a thief of happiness. It robs us of happiness, robs us of a sense of well-being and peace. The judging mind, in that moment, cannot really settle into peace, into happiness.
We also see, judging ourselves, how much this blocks any kind of creativity in our life. So whether it's artistic creativity or any kind of creativity, whatever it is, we can see -- just take an example: you're trying to paint a painting. You say, "I want to paint a painting." And you start, and then you look at it, and "Agh, it's no good." But that "it's no good," if there's too much judgment there, if there's judgment there, it blocks the creativity. What happens? [ripping noise] Rip it up, in the dustbin, and the whole process just grinds to a halt. We can see this over and over, in anything, that the judging actually blocks our creativity because of the constriction.
[3:18] And in a way, if we're involved in this practice, it takes quite a lot of passion. Meditation and a sort of Dharma practice and all that -- it's not that easy. It's not easy at all, a lot of the time. And it takes quite some passion. In a way, we kind of have to fall in love with it. And if we're judging ourselves in that process, it eats that passion. It absolutely eats that passion.
Sometimes it's very easy, even if we've been practising for a while, to slip into a mode of relating to our meditation practice -- it's, instead of meditation, practice being for freedom, for well-being, for peace, it's somehow got derailed, and sometimes without us even realizing, it's got derailed, and it's become about improving myself, being a better person, being more perfect. And practice is not about that. It's just not about self-perfection. It's about freedom from discontent.
So one distinction I want to make really early, and I'm going to come back to this later on today, is -- I don't know if this corresponds with dictionary definitions, but we could have the word 'judgment' on one hand, and then the word 'discernment' on the other hand. I don't know if this is, you know, Oxford English Dictionary-correct, but judgment and discernment. So what's the difference, potentially? The difference is that when we judge, what I'm calling 'judgment,' the sense of self is wrapped up in that. So there is a value judgment about the self, okay? So for instance, in the painting, you're painting, and there's a patch of blue and a patch of, I don't know, purple. And they're next to each other, and you look at it, and you say, "Hmm, that blue really fights with the purple." How quickly can the self come in? "That doesn't work. I'm rubbish. I can't paint. I'm a rubbish artist." The self has got wrapped up in it, versus what we might call 'discernment,' which is purely almost neutral, just, "Hmm, that blue doesn't fit with the purple. Something needs to change. Maybe I'll put something in between. Maybe I'll change the tone of one of the colours." It's purely, in a sense, objective. There's still a weighing up, but the self hasn't got wrapped up in it, and self-evaluation has not got wrapped up in it.
[6:02] We do that in anything. We can do that with anything. So I just gave the example of painting, but it could be with absolutely anything. And we do that not only this self, "I'm rubbish," but others, "You're rubbish." So we do it, this self and the self of others. We bring that in, and that's what judgment is. It's got self wrapped up in it, versus discernment.
The Buddha, when he describes his years of practice before his awakening, he said there was a moment that was quite a major turning point over the -- probably a number. One moment, one time that was quite a major turning point. He said he was meditating, and it occurred to him: "What if I divide my thoughts into two camps? One camp is those thoughts that lead to a sense of my own well-being and the well-being of others -- so thoughts of kindness, of compassion, of renunciation, of awareness and diligence, etc. Those that lead to my sense of well-being and the well-being of others, and those that do not lead to the sense of my own well-being or the well-being of others -- so harshness, criticism, unkindness, slothfulness, etc. What if I did that -- just be very clear which kind of, where each thought belongs, and then developed, cultivated those thoughts which lead to my well-being and my happiness, and let go of, practised letting go of those that do not lead to happiness?"[1]
It's very clear discernment. He's actually making a very clear line there. But what he didn't say was, "Then I say, 'This is helpful, and this is not helpful,' and then I go criticizing myself and saying, 'You're rubbish. You're never going to be able to do anything. You'll never amount to anything.'" [laughter] So we wouldn't be sitting here today. It just wouldn't have happened. That kind of self coming in and making judgments would have totally blocked the whole process, if he'd have gone on with that.
[8:20] So judgment and discernment -- from a Dharma point of view, discernment is specifically what the Buddha was talking about: what is it that leads to happiness, to well-being, to freedom, to peace? And what is it that leads to unhappiness, agitation, constriction? Unlike the painting, where it's just about, "What am I trying to express here? Or what's aesthetically right?" But this distinction is very important. So we're not throwing out the whole package. We're actually making a finer distinction. It's that piece of self. I'm going to return to that later on today.
So I actually forgot to ask, how many people are totally new to meditation practice? How many people feel that they're relatively new to this? Okay, good. So I want to say a little bit about, you know, when we sit down to meditate, or walking meditation, or whatever it is, it's the same mind. It's the same mind we walk around, that we go shopping with. It's the same mind that we go to work with. It's the same. Now, sometimes we expect to sit down and have a different kind of mind. So we sit down, and we often see the judging mind in the meditation, and about our meditation, in relationship to our meditation. "How's it going? I can't -- you know, rubbish. I've been at this for, you know, weeks, months, years, and I still ..." You know, whatever. And it's just, it's coming right in about the meditation.
And meditation practice, in a way, is a microcosm. What we see is a very clear microcosm of the macrocosm of our life. So we do see that, often, and it is something, I think, that naturally begins to, perhaps -- not always, actually -- perhaps naturally peter out. But I want to go into this today. So one piece, the starting point, and it's always kind of one of the fundamental pieces about meditation practice, is just bringing mindfulness to bear -- 'mindfulness' meaning, in this case, knowing what's in the mind, knowing that there's judgment there. So we're sitting, and we're trying to be with the breath, or trying to do some other practice, and the mind goes off. And a judgment comes. Do we know that that judgment is present? Okay, so mindfulness is just the bare knowing of this judgment there.
[10:55] Some of you may be familiar with this technique of noting. So sometimes it can happen, just a very quiet, delicate label, "judging, judging." The point of that is that when the mindfulness is a little bit established, when we're aware in that way that there's judging, there's just a little bit, potentially, a little bit of space and separation, so that we're not completely wedded to the judging and the judging mind. Mindfulness just allows a sense of spaciousness and disidentification, just come in naturally with the mindfulness, so that we're not so caught up in the judging. So this can really help.
But sometimes we sit down, we find ourselves thick -- the mind is thick with judgment. It's just one after another. Can be really skilful to just say, "Okay, let me just open right up. I'll just note every time there's judging. I'll just call it 'judging, judging.' Oh, that's another moment of judging. Now I'm judging again." And there's just this patient noting of that -- really has a powerful effect.
Another piece, though, that's very important, I think, for all meditators: to see a bigger picture of what's going on in our meditation practice. So perhaps especially in the beginning years, but really at any time, we can kind of say, "I'm sitting down, and I'm trying to get calm. That's what I'm trying: I'm trying to concentrate." And you know, on one level, of course we are trying to concentrate. But, have to see a bigger picture. What else is going on when I sit down to meditate? What else am I developing, potentially? What else is in the field except that concentration?
[12:51] Try to put the mind with something -- the breath, whatever -- and it goes off. And we notice, and we come back. Every time we notice, that moment of noticing is a moment of wakefulness. It's a moment of mindfulness. So it's not just about, say, staying with the breath. There's a moment of, you could say, success in just noticing, knowing where the mind is, and then coming back. So that's crucial, to see the bigger picture. This, when I notice, and I come back, and I notice, and I come back. I notice, and I come back. Soon -- not a very good example here, but soon, this muscle ... [laughter] is going to be quite big, because I'm just doing that. This is, again, part of a bigger picture of what's going on. It's not just about "I should be right with -- I should be staying with the breath." Every time I notice, it's a moment of mindfulness. I know where the mind is. It's somewhere else -- I'm daydreaming. Okay, I know that. It's a moment of mindfulness. Really important.
It's also the potential to strengthen the mind. One of the factors that an untrained mind has, an untrained human mind has, is a lack of strength. Every time we do this -- building, building that muscle. But bigger picture as well: developing patience. We're not just developing this concentration, not even just developing mindfulness. Seeing that every time the mind goes off -- "Oh, not again!" -- it's a moment of impatience. And again, to know that. And if we can just see that and not get so caught up in it, we just come back. What's happening there? We're, in a way, starving the pattern of impatience, and feeding the pattern of patience. I'm not just saying this to kind of make you feel a little bit better. It's actually what's going on. If we don't see this, we'll have a tight view of what meditation practice is. And if we have a tight view, we're going to feel tight. And sooner or later, the whole practice can feel very dry, very kind of miserable, really, basically. I have to see the bigger picture of what's going on.
[15:00] It's also, again, when we notice the mind's off, whatever, the potential -- judgment can kick in, and we can go follow the judgment story, or we can see, "Okay, there's judgment. Can I just come back?" And maybe take a moment just to soothe that and just come back. And then what's happening? Again, we're starving the pattern of judgment, the habit of judgment. We're feeding the pattern of non-judgment. So that's crucial, to see that bigger picture, so that we can actually, "Ah, yeah. I see a bigger picture." My 'success,' which is not a very good word anyway, is in a much broader field.
So in a way, we come to meditation, and as I said, we have the mind that we have. And it's a human mind. So it's going to have all kinds of difficulties and all kinds of patterns that are problematic, of course, as well as much that's beautiful and wonderful. We need, in a way, to kind of make friends with what's in there, a lot of what's in there. And we do find judgment. We do find that pattern, that habit of judgment. We need to a little bit just be friendly with it. Give it a little bit of space. It doesn't mean buying into it. It just means allowing it to be there a little bit. Just, it can be there in the space.
If we get into a fight with the judging mind and the judging thoughts, it's going to create more agitation. So it's natural to see this thing that's problematic. We don't like it. But it's actually going to create more problem with it. You know, part of meditation practice is moving towards calmness and deepening in calmness. But if we're battling what's in the mind, the judging mind, etc., that battle is, of its nature, there's no such thing as a calm battle, a peaceful war. That battle, in itself, is against the flow of the calmness. It's not conducive to calm. Even though we're just trying to stay with the breath, some part of the mind is fighting another part of the mind, and it's not conducive.
[17:25] So I'm just going to say something that I'm going to expand on later today. When we look at the mind, we see all these patterns, and what we often don't see is that minds, the nature of minds -- in a way, mind is habit. Mind is a collection of habit. Now, that doesn't sound very flattering to think of minds that way. But not just my mind, not just your mind, but all minds, one way of looking at them is they're collections of habits. So some of the habits are very helpful, definitely. Some are unhelpful, clearly. And some are just kind of neither. But to see the mind, in a way, as if one is just looking at some microchip that's just, you need to see the circuits just spinning and spinning and spinning -- in a way, to see one's mind that way creates a bit less "I have this pattern. Therefore it's my fault. Therefore I'm useless," etc. Just to see, "This is mind. Mind is a collection of habits." Can I see that? And it's just like, "Well, it's okay. I'm just looking at this kind of crazy microchip that's just spinning."
So the other small piece to say is, meditation -- if we just talk about meditation now, to expand it later on -- meditation is not an easy thing. I mean, no one would say that it's easy at all. So just to acknowledge that. It's important to acknowledge that.
Okay. I think I'll actually stop there for now, and look to take this up in lots of different sort of angles this afternoon, and expand it somewhat. So we'll do a meditation now, and I'll guide us through a sitting meditation. But if you want to just take half a minute and stretch your legs, because you've been sitting for a while -- if you could stay in the room.
See MN 19. ↩︎
