Transcription
Rob: So, very warm welcome to everybody. I was feeling very tired earlier today, but now that I'm here, I feel a lot of joy. It's very lovely to be here, lovely to see everyone here. And very happy to be teaching together with Catherine. One small practical thing, actually, before we start: has everyone got the sort of sitting apparatus that they feel they will need, like benches or whatever? Yeah? Everyone's good with that? Enough chairs in here? Yeah?
Okay. So how are you doing? You've probably been travelling today -- many of you, at least. As I say, I was feeling tired, and then, now that we're in the room together, there's this sense of a little bit of excitement. Possibility, really -- there's this sense of possibility together here. Part of offering these retreats is this sense of wanting to support that sense of possibility. For me, there is this possibility of freedom. That's what the Dharma is pointing to: possibility of deep, radical freedom, more and more and more of that. People gathering together for a retreat, this kind of retreat, with the themes that we're going to explore, with loving-kindness and emptiness -- that possibility, to me, feels palpable. And that's part of what's lovely.
So there's the possibility of freedom in practice, from practice. And from the Dharma perspective, from the Buddha's perspective, that possibility comes out because it's possible to see and to sense and to feel our existence differently, to have a whole other sense of existence. And there's that opening up of how we sense our existence, our life, our being. So the possibility of freedom is dependent on the possibility of seeing and sensing and feeling differently. So then the question, to me, is like a golden question -- it's like, what allows me, what allows you, what supports that opening up to seeing in different ways? That becomes kind of the key question in practice, and in a way, the key question in life. What is it, what orientations, activities, things -- what is it that will support the possibility of opening up and allowing different ways of seeing and sensing existence?
And that includes, you know, sensing existence in a new way, because we sense existence, obviously, in very habitual ways. We think we know what everything is. We think we know who we are, who another is, or what life is. Seems obvious. And we're talking a lot, obviously, on this retreat -- the theme is about emptiness. And that says, "Not necessarily so. Actually, not so true." And in that seeing of 'not true,' that's where a lot of the freedom is.
So new ways of seeing, new ways of sensing, and what is it that will allow that? What is it that will support that, including new ideas? New ideas. So the whole being -- the emotional being, the intellectual being, the physical being -- all wanting to support the opening and discovery of new ways of seeing. This is something, you know, obviously, teaching a lot, I reflect on a lot. I reflect a lot: what will support that? Obviously for myself, but in people, in practitioners, what is it that supports that opening?
So there are many, many ways of kind of conceiving of what meditation is, or what practice is. Many ways. You could look at it so many different ways. One way, you could say, it's a kind of balance between cultivating what is lovely, cultivating the beautiful. So something like mettā, loving-kindness, that's a beautiful quality of heart, something profound and lovely, a treasure for us. In the cultivation of the lovely -- generosity, mettā, equanimity, compassion, all these qualities -- this becomes our treasure. This becomes our treasure inside and our resource, resources for us, deep, deep resources for us. Qualities of heart that bring well-being, that bring happiness.
So there's that, the cultivation as one wing. And another wing is, we could say, investigation, and investigating in a way that brings freedom. It's like, what do I need to, as I said, how do I need to see differently? What do I need to understand in a way that freedom opens up in my life? These two -- the cultivation, the investigation.
In a way, going back to what I said earlier, it's like, all practice, and especially practices of emptiness, but all practices are practising new ways of seeing. Actually, all of that, including the loving-kindness -- we'll get to talk about all this -- but all practices, all meditation practices are practising new ways of seeing.
And that opening up, as I said before, it comes in many ways -- through questioning, through cultivation, through opening to the fullness of our being, corners and aspects, dimensions of our being that we maybe reject, or ignore, or don't notice, the discovery of what we really are, and how much we really are. And sometimes also deliberately turning the perception around. We'll talk about all of this, different ways of opening up that whole discovery.
When I think about teaching about emptiness, to me, the understanding of emptiness, if we talk about emptiness, is a real journey. It's something very, very profound. It's almost like one goes -- the understanding goes on a journey, deeper and deeper and deeper, to completely overturning, discovering a radical, different sense of existence, as I said earlier. But that's a journey. It's very deep.
This kind of retreat, as a form, has been going, I think this is the sixth year in a row. And the last two years, it was an emptiness retreat. And one of the sort of ways -- well, what I've tried to do on it, for better or for worse, was to try and sort of lay out a map for people. And the idea at the back of my head was: if someone is in the middle of nowhere, with no one else around, they could hear those set of teachings and instructions, etc., and just follow through that, and it would really, really take them, you know, a long way. That was the idea.
I'm not sure how well that worked. It was different for different people. Sometimes, reflecting on those retreats, I feel like it was perhaps too much. So different conception this time, and as you know, we're calling it Level 1. One of the differences that I would like to embody and practise, and hopefully I will, is actually not talking so much, not talking too much. [laughs] So rather than trying to, you know, lay it all out and disseminate the whole teaching so that someone could just kind of have this package and follow it, want to try and do it slightly differently, and actually be more slow, certainly, more spacious, but particularly more responsive to you, individually and also as a group, to where you are at, and what you need, rather than try and just, like a locomotive, sort of go through the whole thing.
So in that respect, we have a kind of structure in mind, but it's also open. And we'll see. And we want to be responsive, as I said. It's an experiment for us, this retreat. And this slot of time, this January/February retreat, this parallel retreat, it has a history of being very experimental. There's always something different going on. But for us, this is partly just wanting to try it differently, and see how that is. Hopefully that serves.
But in line with that, also really wanting it to be an experiment for you, that this is a chance, these -- however long we're all together; three weeks almost, two and a half weeks -- that this is a chance for you to experiment. And experiment in lots of different ways, and discover, like I said, different ways of seeing, discover different ways of practising. So as much as it's a teaching experiment for us, really wanting it to be an experiment for you, that you can see it that way.
Just a few thoughts about being on retreat. Everyone here has been on retreat before. It's one of the sort of stipulations. It's for experienced retreatants. We can feel the life on retreat as a constraint, very easily: "Well, we don't do this, and we don't do that." And some people on retreat, in some forms, they won't go out of the grounds. You just literally constrain the area that you're in. And so you wouldn't leave the perimeter of the grounds. So there is a sense of constraint, and we can experience it as oppressive in that way, as a kind of prison. That's one way we can feel it.
And in a way, with that, we also close off to certain experiences. So for example, the mobile phone, or the email -- all that's kind of closed off temporarily. Temporarily, we're shutting out, literally, certain aspects of our life, and certain actions, and certain endeavours, for the sake of freedom, for the sake of discovery. But that very closing off can be experienced as a constraint. It's also there, obviously, for the sake of being a holding. It's a holding. That's what it provides: support and holding.
So that's a really, really key element of retreat, that we feel, we relate to the whole thing as something that's supportive, something that's supporting, that we feel supported. I really want to encourage you to move through the time here with that sense of being supported, that everything here is for the sake of holding, for the sake of supporting. Actually, more than that, your presence here is also in the service of supporting everyone else here. So when you come, when you show up at a sitting when you don't feel like being at that sitting, when you show up at the walking when you don't feel like it, there can be that reason -- that you want to give the support. You want to embody the support for others.
So I don't know right now -- partly sitting in the circle, there's an opportunity to actually let your gaze move around the room, and see who's here. See who's here. So these are the friends that will be supporting you for this time. This is the community that will be living together. This is the humanity that's together right now: everyone with their joys, with their difficulties (bodily, emotional, mental), their discoveries, their journey. Really a beautiful, beautiful thing on retreat, to get a sense of that togetherness, that I am embedded in that togetherness. One of the tragedies of modern society is that we don't really feel embedded in the society so often. It's just become so fragmented. To get a sense of the humanity in the room, each person with their unique struggles and openings, and that one is supported and supporting that.
In the structure of this, you know, any retreat, which can be seen partly as a constraint, as I said, and partly as this holding -- one of the gifts of it, and particularly in a more silent retreat, is that I don't have to appear special. I don't have to be someone special. You don't have to be someone special. I don't have to present such-and-such to people. So there's a real gift of ease, of opening in that. [15:10] But just about this being on retreat, everything that has a blessing and a gift in it has a potential shadow -- everything. Everything that has a gift in it has a potential shadow. Goes for any practice, any situation, any way of working, any orientation. So this leaving aside that we do, I leave aside my mobile phone, I leave aside my email, I leave aside the conversations, I leave aside this, I leave aside that, I leave aside -- I was just talking with some of the coordinators about dancing, and the possibility of dancing on the retreat. Generally, we leave aside something like that. We'll see how it goes. [laughter] But generally there are things that we leave aside. So there's a gift in that. It's helpful. It's a support. As I said, don't have to appear like someone special, and I get to simplify, and it gets to create space.
But it's also possible that a split can come. A split can come in and through that very leaving aside. So one of the obvious splits -- and maybe you know this as experienced meditators -- is between retreat life and everyday life. And there's a split that comes. And we'll talk more about this. But there's a more subtle split that can come, and this is something that we're going to keep coming back to through this retreat. There's a more subtle split that can come through forms and through practices like we'll be engaged in. And that's the split that comes about through certain attitudes with respect to certain aspects of ourselves. Because I'm leaving aside, say, the dancing, the sexuality, whatever else, because I'm leaving aside all that, it's possible that what can creep in, sometimes even blindly, unwittingly, into the way we conceive of our practice and our spiritual journey and the meditation, is a kind of split. Some things, some aspects of our existence don't get included. [17:20]
So we've been talking a lot before this retreat, Catherine and I, and we're really interested in that. Emptiness means everything can be included, because everything is empty. Everything is allowed. There's space for everything -- everything, everything, everything. Mettā, too, loving-kindness, too, means everything gets included in that field of kindness. So very easily, we can polarize, and through any practice, any philosophy, and any orientation in practice, very easy to polarize. It can creep in. Usually it creeps in blindly. Then we say, "No-self, emptiness, is better than self." There's a polarization there. And it's not true, and it's not helpful. Or if we're doing the loving-kindness, there's a sense of, "I've got to be good." And then stuff that's not so pretty -- maybe some unkindness, some being bad -- gets shunted aside in a way that's not so helpful, gets split off.
I've got some practical stuff to say about the workings of the retreat. I think I feel like I want to leave that for later, so maybe Catherine wants to pick up there?
Catherine: That was very inspiring. [laughter] Yeah. [pause] It's interesting. As I sit to begin and say hello, I notice myself, having listened to Rob, kind of drawn into the silence. Do any of you ever get that? You can nod, maybe you ... [laughter] I'm presuming if you've come to a silent retreat centre, something draws you about the silence, you know, something about the silence that we love, probably, or you wouldn't be here.
And as I was drawn to the silence, I could feel the kind of opening and deepening, and I was thinking, "Oh, but I'm the teacher!" [laughter] Okay. Right! Normally that means saying something. And the way that that split can also show up, between the silence and the sound, between the silence and the articulation, where we're not seeing both as full, full, full silence, full, rich, deep, palpable, tangible, that we love -- it's also empty. And the articulation that sometimes we get lost in -- anyone ever not got lost in their articulation? [laughter] And the articulation that's sometimes really a pain in the arse -- it's in our way, it's "Ugh!" -- but that is also so rich, so rich, so full, so much possibility of pointing to what we love. And also empty -- empty, empty, empty. So that split, another one us lot who are attracted to silent retreats can often have, we can often find somewhere in us, that one between the silence and the sound. [21:53]
And if we're really looking deeply into the teaching, that there's enough room for it all. Actually, nothing is excluded here. So, welcome. Welcome, welcome, welcome. Welcome. Welcome to your love of the depth. And then that part when Rob said about -- I don't know what you noticed happened, but when he drew our attention to each other, which, you know, quite frankly, some of us are attracted to silent retreats because we don't want attention drawn to each other. But actually, again, it can be another kind of division. But when he said it, that, "Well, look at the humanity here," look at this. Look at this. Can you bear to look at this -- your own humanity? And I'm going to repeat everything Rob said, probably, but just in a different kind of voice. Your humanity ... [long exhale] And these ones that look like others, these so-called 'others.'
So another thing we can explore is the relationship of the depth that we love, which we can sometimes see as this vertical trajectory, when we talk about going deeper and going deeper. I liked when Rob said he noticed before, other years, where he's on the steam train, and he's on the -- it's what you said, wasn't it?
Rob: [inaudible]
Catherine: Tell me if I misrepresent you.
Rob: Feel free to. [laughter]
Catherine: We do it all the time. But on the steam train to emptiness, you know, the kind of locomotive part -- which is beautiful, absolutely beautiful, that clarity, that precision, that penetration, that looking deeper. And then he said, yeah, and we want to balance that with the openness, the receptivity, the responding. [24:30] Do you have one that you prefer? And we'll go, we'll look further into that. It's a lot for the first night. Can I go right to the heart of what we're doing here?
So welcome. That's really what I wanted to say. Welcome, in all the ways that you're exactly the same as everyone here, and in all the ways that you're completely different, welcoming all of that, all the difference: background, life experience, gender, age, health, race, culture, language, all of it.
One thing -- let's see. Yeah, think there's a good moment for this. Mostly, during this retreat, in the structure, you will be sitting in the rows that we had at the beginning, okay? And in a little while, we'll go back there. But first, we want to know who you all are. And what I'd like to suggest is an exercise, a little exercise, where you simply take your seat in the community, and all you have to do is say your name.
What happens when I say that? Just see what the response is, because we have a lot of other differences here. Some people are coming from the Hermitage Wing, and have been here a very long time. Some people are coming from ... [laughs] the street, I was going to say! [laughter] Right, yeah? Yeah, absolutely, right? The Hermitage Wing or the street. That means you're ... [laughter]
Rob: That's a duality.
Catherine: That's another duality, yeah, inner and outer, those who've been in and those who've come from out. And there are different kinds of qualities that can sometimes be there. You know, when we've been on retreat a long time, there can be more quietness, simply, sometimes more subtlety, sometimes more sensitivity is more palpable to us. And if you've ever been on long retreat here, or even if you've been on short retreat here or somewhere else, sometimes when the riff-raff come in from the street for the new retreat on a Friday night, you can feel a different quality. And then there are those of us that are beginning today, coming from shopping, and taking care of all our details, and maybe had an argument this morning with our partner. And it's a different vibration. It's little more -- can be a little bit more activity in it. And here, we're not making a duality about that either.
So for those who have been hermits for a while, this exercise might be a little confronting, to say your name. After all, isn't it part of what draws us to practice that we're interested to let go of all of that identification, and our name, and go beyond all of that? But if we're really interested in going beyond, we have to arrive here fully, with all that we are, everything.
So, yeah. What we can do is go around, and take your time. Just have a breath, sense into your seat, say your name, and what I'd like is that the community, the rest of us, respectfully repeat it back to you. It's like, I am here. I am here. So everyone, just take a moment to breathe and find your seat. All of our practice begins where we are.
Maybe you haven't got enough room for your normal seat, because you're all crowded up here. Just do your best, and take a moment to sense your backside on the cushion, or the bench, or the chair. And if it helps, just squeeze in the buttocks a little bit, with a breath, in-breath, squeeze them in, and let them drop. Like, let your body know it's arrived here, even if you're wondering now whether you want to be or not ... [laughs] Because that always happens in a retreat, right? There'll be those moments, always. Yet you're here.
Take a moment with your belly. We need the belly centre. Breathing in with the belly, and breathing out with a -- and if you want to, just make a kind of rrrrrrrraaaaaammmmm. You know those Tibetan guys? It's not an accident they do these kind of rrrrraahh chants that really help us embody in the belly. So I invite you, if you want, sense into what's true and sensitive for you, right? Breathing in: rrrrrrrraaaaaaaaammmm. Having a breath with the chest centre, breathing in with the chest centre, and if it feels supportive, making an aaaaaaaaahhh, just to sense -- it's part of sensing the terrain in there tonight. Breathing in: mmmmaaaaaaaaaaaammmm.
Okay, I'll begin: Catherine.
All: Catherine. [laughter]
Catherine: You don't all have to conduct yourself. [laughter] You get the gist after a while. It's sensitive, you know, it's a really interesting exercise. Just notice what you notice. And take your time for doing it.
Rob: Rob.
All: Rob.
[One by one, each yogi says their name, and the others repeat their name.]
Catherine: And just noticing what's here, as we always are doing in our practice. And your sense of, "Thank god that's over," "Want to do it again," "Hope I never have to do that again." Making room for any responses. Anything else before we move back?
[Transcriber's note: practical retreat information, omitted in this transcript.]
Rob: That's it. So what are we doing now? [laughter]
Catherine: Let's move our body just a little bit, and then I'll get you to shift the cushions back into -- so let's all stand a little bit. And be respectful to where you are, you know. We're all in different spaces right now, with our body and what we need. I would have this -- have some room. Yeah, maybe ... just having a bit of room in there for you all. Then, staying sensitive to you, all right? You may not need to bounce. But many of us need to bounce, to shake the kind of tension. Let the breath start to move a little bit: nhahhhhhhh. [44:42]
The orientation that most of us have, which is under the upper region, head, frontal cortex, usually is where a lot of us are located. Shaking the head a little bit, in order to let the breath come and go: haaahaaahaaahaaahaaahaa.
You might want to be more vigorous. You might really need a vigorous movement. You might not need that. And you be faithful to where you are: ahaahaahaahaahaahaa.
Check, as you're bouncing, if there's any holding in the belly, shoulders, jaw, want to check the jaw: wuuulluuuluuuuluuh. Because we have a lot of formality. There's a lot of formality that supports our practice. And that formality has its shadow, which is tightening up, locking down, right? So formality actually [?] more freedom, more intimacy with ourself. [?] Tightness in the shoulders, shake the hips well ... Might want to move the hands a little back. Be faithful where you are. Move with the hips, turning circles. Let the hips lead. Change direction, with the hips. And your hands, move your hands from your wrists. And staying centred, and inhaling, the arms up. And letting any sound with the out-breath come into the body with a haaaaaaah. [?] And your sound. Yeah, good. So there are really differences, right? Really differences. Last chance: haaaaah. Half a minute to either shake or respond or rub or turn or twist. Hmmmmmm. Ankles, shoulders. Yeah.
Some nice qigong exercises which Eamonn's demonstrating! Which reminds me, I like it a lot. So using the palms to wake up the buttocks. Respectfully, mindfully. [?] Ahhhh. Waking up the chest there.
All right, letting the body air out. Hmmmmm. And sense your feet, and bringing your apparatus, your sitting apparatus back to your position.
Rob: Initial position.
Catherine: Initial position.
[Transcriber's note: practical retreat information, omitted in this transcript.]
Catherine: [52:25] So let's just sit for one minute to be quiet.
[silence]
Okay. So just to let you know, we'll do a short exercise together, just ten minutes or so, and then we'll sit for a little bit. And then we'll end the evening formally. So one of the forms that we would like to use occasionally during this retreat is a form of inquiry where you get to explore a little bit. One of the first things that I'd like us to explore tonight -- so this is where you will let yourself use the conceptual world as a way to investigate. I want us to explore a little bit around the concepts of emptiness and mettā. Not at this point an analysis or an in-depth discussion, but simply, what are your responses to those words? What arises for you when you hear the word 'emptiness'? What arises for you when you hear the word 'empty'? What arises for you when you hear the word mettā? What arises for you when you hear the word 'kindness' or 'love'? So the way we're going to do this tonight, it's a form we'll develop over time. But we'll keep it quite simple for tonight.
So here's how it goes. Settle into your seat of meditation, so you really have as much access to your seat, really taking your seat, as if you are sitting in silence. Check in that there's enough room for your belly to breathe, space under the armpits, muscles of the face relaxed. And letting the breathing be natural. So there's a posture that is upright, with the upright intention, that is also gentle, undemanding, not requiring us to be something or someone. Concepts like emptiness and mettā can be a real aid in the path. And like any concepts, they can also be a hindrance.
Okay, so the intention of this exercise is to see: what is there around those concepts that we're bringing into the room, either intellectually, through the feeling-tone, through the energetic sense, through the way that we can read our body, and our body may expand or contract as we hear certain things? [57:39]
So I'm going to ask a question into the room. And I want you to respond out loud, if you want, if there's something to say. And remembering, as you respond, to really -- one of the ways that we can support this container is to really, as much as we're able, keep the whole realm of inner judgment about our responses outside of this room. So you're free to simply respond as spontaneously as you like, that your response is -- it's yours, but it's also relevant for the whole field, for the whole group.
Let's see how it goes. And anyone's free to respond. Some of you have done this with me before, and sometimes we do it in pairs. But tonight we'll just do it like this. Sensing into your body, into your chest.
Okay. Anybody: what arises right now when I say the word 'emptiness'?
Yogis take turns responding: Joy. Freedom. Nothing. Space.
Catherine: Thank you. Thank you. Joy, freedom, nothing, space. Just breathing, letting all the responses be there. I'll ask it again. See what's here now. What happens, or what do you notice when I say the word 'emptiness'?
Yogis: Uncertainty. Vast. Contraction.
Catherine: Thank you. And breathing with all of that: uncertainty, vastness, contraction. What happens when I say the word 'emptiness' right now?
Yogis: Magical mystery. Opening. Fear.
Catherine: Fear, opening, magical mystery. Thank you. What happens right now when I say the word 'emptiness'?
Yogis: Excitement. Laughter. I won't be able to do it.
Catherine: Thank you. Excitement, laughter, I won't be able to do it. Yeah, all of that. All of that. What happens right now when I say the word 'love'? [1:01:00]
Yogi: Wow.
Catherine: Wow. What was the other one?
Yogis: Nothing. Same.
Catherine: Same. Same to the nothing, or same to the wow? Same to the nothing, thank you.
Yogis: Warm. Juicy.
Catherine: Warm, juicy. Keeping faith with all your responses, not making one more or less than the other. The juice or the nothing -- all of them have a place here. What happens right now when I say the word 'empty'?
Yogis: Quiet. Trembling. Pause. Deep. Deepening.
Catherine: Deepening and pause. Thank you. What happens right now when I say the word 'kind'?
Yogi: Wrinkly eyes.
Catherine: Wrinkly eyes. [laughter] Is that like a kind of, "Awww"?
Yogi: Kind granddad.
Catherine: Yeah. Thank you. What happens right now when I say the word 'kind'?
Yogi: The earth.
Catherine: The earth, and ...?
Yogi: Forever.
Catherine: Forever.
Yogis: Softness. Presence. Settling. Gratitude.
Catherine: Gratitude. Remembering that all responses are welcome, so just see if there's, "Oh my god, not kindness." Or I remember once doing a long mettā retreat, where after a little while, I would come to walk in the hall, and there would be, "Oh no, I hate mettā." [laughter] You may not have that. That may not be your trip. It doesn't have to be your trip. Okay? What happens right now when I say the word mettā?
Yogis: Hope. Boundless.
Catherine: Boundless. [1:03:38]
Yogi: I'm concerned for our safety, because that candle's getting quite close.
Catherine: Thank you. Very practical, Selma! [laughter] Mettā is also very practical. [laughs] Yeah. It's both boundless and very responsive. Beautiful. Yeah. What happens right now when I say the word 'kindness'?
Yogis: Love. Supported.
Catherine: I'm also interested in -- how long have we got?
Rob: It's up to you.
Catherine: Three weeks! I'm also interested in anyone who has another language other than English as a mother tongue. Just feel into your resonance with the words that are equivalent for you. Just take a moment with that, if you have another language that's close to your heart. And if that's so, if you feel okay, just to utter a word that fits with the resonance of either mettā, kindness, love. Just say the word from your own, other tongue. Anybody? [yogi responds in another language] Maybe we can just pause with that. Thank you. Any other languages close to your heart? [another yogi responds] Can you hear it? Yeah. Feel into. Any other languages close to your heart for the word 'love,' or *mettā, '*kindness'? [another yogi responds] Thank you. Any others want to be spoken? [another yogi responds]
Anyone want to utter it also in English? Because you haven't done that. You've said your responses. So any language, any of the words in the realm of the love language.
Yogis: Immense. Cherish. Tender. Nourishing. Delicate. Brave. Infinite.
Catherine: Okay. And just see what's here now. What's here when I say the word 'empty'?
Yogis: Blank. Headache. Angry. Wanting to be found. Relief.
Catherine: And just check that the breath is here, the body is here, with whatever you're with: relief, wanting, anger, love, frozen, open, expanded, or contracted -- just know it. And we'll pick up, of course, on these things.
Rob: So just to end tonight, we're going to do a short sitting together, so if you need to adjust your posture, feel free.
[1:10:17, guided meditation begins]
And again, taking just a moment once more to establish the posture of meditation. Can you sense the quality of uprightness expressing in the body? It mirrors the alertness, the brightness of presence in the consciousness. Feel the uprightness in the body. Feel the vertical axis of the body.
At the same time, is it possible to feel the openness of the body, feel the body as open? Upright, open, soft. As relaxed as possible. Taking a moment, perhaps, to feel into the face. And just notice how it feels right now. If there's any tension, perhaps, just relaxing as much as is possible right now around the eyes, around the mouth. Sensing, tuning in, relaxing the jaw. Feeling the throat, the neck. Easing, letting go. The shoulders hanging down. Releasing. Feeling into the upper back, relaxing. The chest, the belly, particularly the lower belly. Letting that go, sensing in, letting go just as much as possible, letting it hang down. The legs.
Can you bring a simple presence into the hands right now? The experience of the hands, the simple sensations: warmth, cold, tingling, pressure. Whatever it is, just sensing in, in a very direct, alive way, to the life, the life of the feeling in the hands right now, allowing whatever's there, feeling, knowing whatever's there, receiving, receiving the sensations in the hands, a world of sensation. And how about the backside, where it makes contact with the cushion, or the bench, or the chair? [1:15:01] The life, the dance, the flickering of sensation there -- very simple, very bare, very naked, opening, receiving to those sensations.
How about the legs -- the lower legs or the feet, where the body makes contact with the floor? What does it feel like, being right there? Sensitive, attentive, tuning in, open and allowing. The body is alive. The attention is alive in the body.
Now is it possible to open up the attention to include the whole space of the body? The whole field of sensation -- that would embrace, incorporate the whole body, and that whole feeling of the whole body, the totality of it. So opening up the attention to tune into, to receive that whole space of sensation, of energy, of life. Let the space of awareness be big, actually a little bit bigger than the body. It will tend to keep shrinking, so keep pushing it out, like a balloon inflating. You're filling out that space, filling it with awareness, feeling into the texture of that whole space, the texture of that whole field of energy. How does it feel, that space?
Sensing into the vibration, the sense of the vibrational field, the energy field of that space that we call the body. Stretching that balloon of awareness. Keeping it open, and allowing, allowing whatever is present in that field, if it feels good, if it feels difficult. This space of allowing, for everything to manifest, anything to manifest in that field. Sensitive to the whole body, sensitive to the texture of the whole body space, letting it be, opening it up.
Everything is received. Everything is allowed. [1:20:24] A friendliness around and through that whole field, holding, holding the experience of the moment. Giving the body, and what moves through the body, space: space to be, space to move through. This is a kind of kindness: this holding, this allowing, this receiving. Open.
Keeping that space of awareness open, that attention open, field open, sensitive to the whole space. And perhaps you notice, when the breath comes and goes, in and out, how the whole space feels with the in-breath and the out-breath, how the breath ripples through the whole space. Include it all -- legs, everything.
So if the breath feels stuck or contracted or difficult, just opening out, to really allow that sense and that experience. Hold it in the space of allowing.
It may be that you feel the breath tending to the body, tending to that space. How does it ripple through? How does it open up that space?
Receiving the breath, and the way the energy of the breath moves through the space. Opening up the attention.
Is it possible to feel this sense of receiving as a kindness to yourself right now? Kindness to the being. This openness, this receptivity, it's a kind of kindness. Touching everything, holding everything, allowing everything.
[1:27:20, guided meditation ends]
Okay. So before we say goodnight for tonight, is there anything that we didn't touch on tonight, on a practical level or anything like that?
[Transcriber's note: practical retreat information, omitted in this transcript.]
Rob: Okay. Great. So wish you a very good night's sleep. And we'll see you again in the morning.
Catherine: Yeah. Thanks for coming. It's really a pleasure to sit with you all here. Sleep well.
