Transcription
So I want to talk a little bit more about the mettā practice today and the development of that and the deepening of that. And I will keep saying this through the retreat: this idea of bringing a responsiveness to the practice. That's what makes it alive. That's what makes it fun as well. That's what makes practice fun, is being alive and sensitive and responding skilfully to what's actually present in the moment. So with that, the whole question of engagement and effort -- there can be a lightness to it. It can be very easy with a practice like mettā or any kind of concentration practice -- actually, any meditation practice -- getting very fixated and heavy and kind of dogged about it. Sometimes it's important to be dogged. But so easily a rigidity can come in and the joy goes out of practice. Very possible that a lightness, as I said, a playfulness can come in, with patience and persistence -- gently persistent and patient, but also playful. That makes up a very lovely and spacious and balanced attitude to practice.
In the summer, I taught a mettā retreat, and I was using an analogy about responsiveness, so I'm just going to use it again here. The analogy is sailing -- sailing on the ocean, in a lovely, big sailing ship. And so, obviously, when you're sailing -- which I know nothing about. [laughter] That shouldn't stop me! Obviously, when you're sailing ... [laughter] You put up different sails in different conditions, right? You know, big sails, little sails. They all have different names. [laughter] Different coloured sails? No? Okay. So, same thing in the mettā practice. It's like sailing. It's just like sailing.
(1) Sometimes, we're sailing in our practice on the ocean, and it's like the wind is in the sails. It's caught the sails. You know, the ocean is relatively calm, the wind is in the sails, and we're cruising. And it actually feels good. In whatever way that is, it feels relatively good. So in a way, in the mettā practice -- I'm going to say there are kind of three options, three sort of baskets that the mettā practice can fall in at any time, and that's maybe the first of the three. And in a way, that's something we want to nurture and encourage. So in a way, that's the kind of ideal: it's going just fine. The wind is in the sail.
When that happens, experientially, there's a kind of, to some degree, there's a kind of harmonizing of the being. The body and the mind and the intention, it all kind of comes into harmony. It's in alignment, and one actually experiences that sense. There's a sense of the whole being kind of collecting. The body feels good somehow. Now, what does that mean? Someone said "bliss" yesterday. Great if it's bliss. But oftentimes it's just a lot more unremarkable than bliss. There's just a bit of lightness, or a bit of openness, or a bit of warmth comes into the body somehow. A bit of sense of comfort, a sense of ease, or even pleasure somewhere. That, as I said, feels good. And there's well-being in that. There's a sense of well-being, and that's actually quite -- well, it's important to open to it when it's there. It's important to let the body and the being resonate with that, let it fill, open out to that, enjoy it! I'll maybe come back to that a little bit later. That's very nourishing. It won't be the case all the time, definitely not. It might feel like it's not the case at all in these first few days -- no problem. I'm just mentioning it now. When it's there, it's very, very nourishing, very, very healing at a very deep level of the being, very important. So that's the first kind of way that it can be.
(2) Second kind of set of conditions: we need slightly different sails on our ship, because sometimes, of course, things are not that smooth. There's some difficulty around. But sometimes it feels like there's a difficulty, but we can actually stay with the mettā. We're not overwhelmed too much by that difficulty. So we're aware of whatever it is. Maybe there's sadness there. Maybe there's even a little bit of anger or something. It could be anything, absolutely anything. Some difficulty going on, or something in the body. And one is including that. Not ignoring it, not pushing it away -- including it. But just actually sticking to the mettā. So it's like the waves on the ocean are now a bit rough, the winds are getting [strong], but captain is saying, "We'll just stay this course. We'll keep the sails we have, and we'll just stay this course." You're aware of what's going on. So sadness can be there, and yet one's just kind of sticking, sticking to the mettā, sticking to the course a little bit, without being too rigid or too exclusive like that.
Sometimes the difficulties that come are hindrances, for example, and most of you will know about the hindrances. The mind gets very dull or sleepy sometimes, and then can be really helpful to, for example, use the light. Brighten the mind by imagining the light, the light of mettā, the white-golden light. That brings energy. Check the uprightness of the posture. Reassert the uprightness. Certainly the mind influences the body, but the body also influences the mind. So just re-establishing that uprightness can bring some energy. Being more spacious. So I talked about this kind of balloon, this bubble. When we get tired, the consciousness shrinks and contracts, so actually opening it out to really fill out the awareness, filling out the body, actually helps. Sometimes even opening the eyes and letting the awareness take in the whole room -- spaciousness really helps against the dullness and the sleepiness. Stand up. If you're really tired and nodding in these early days, stand up, and continue standing up. And that will also bring energy, and something in you will know it's not a good idea to fall asleep at that point, standing up.
Sometimes there's doubt that comes up, and you think, "Oh, I don't know about this practice. I keep mumbling these phrases. It's a bit, you know, wishful thinking or something." Haven't had time to go into that whole question of what are we doing with the mettā, and what's the purpose, and is it just wishful thinking or kind of trying to be nice, etc. But that's an important question. So it's a real question there. It's a real question, and we can discuss that at some point, or you can bring it to the interviews. But if you have that, those doubts, and they're real questions, bring them, ask them. That's actually really important. But during a practice, best to recognize, "Oh, there's doubt, there's unsureness here," and just leave that, and say, "Okay, but now I'm doing my practice, and I'll ponder that later. Either I'll ask or I'll reflect on it for myself." And like I said yesterday, with the mettā, we're trusting seeds. We're planting seeds, and we're trusting that process of planting seeds. So there is this faith element a little bit.
And of course sometimes there's a restlessness that comes. It's hard for the body to sit still, hard for the mind to sit still. It can really be helpful then to relax, relax the body, relax, relax. And again, spaciousness, very helpful there, so opening out the space. Sometimes restlessness comes when we're too pressured in our effort. So what is it to just back off the effort pedal a little bit and just be more gentle with the effort, if there's restlessness? Or it might be kind of the opposite, that we need to connect a little bit more closely. We're not holding the mind kind of firmly enough. We need to really listen to the phrases (if we're using the phrases) more closely. Okay, so that's difficulties coming up, all kinds of difficulties possible, but we're staying with the mettā.
(3) And then the third possibility, of course, is that one's doing the mettā and has that intention, but something really difficult comes up, and it doesn't feel possible, it doesn't feel even wise, to stay with the mettā. And then, in our analogy, the ocean's got really rough, the winds are really strong, and they're coming in all these different directions, etc. Well, we do something. We take the sails down. We do something different.
What does it mean to bring kindness to ourself outside of the formal mettā practice, and to meet these difficulties well, whether they're emotional difficulties or physical difficulties, a heartache, whatever it is? What is it to really be with that, bring the attention to that, and have that attention be permeated with kindness? So it's a kind of informal mettā practice, if you like.
I'll say two things right now very briefly, and tonight when Catherine talks, she will speak a little bit about working more directly with difficulties, and also talk a bit about self-love as well. One piece that's very, very easy to creep in: here's a difficulty -- I feel anger, and I should be feeling mettā, or I feel sadness or whatever -- very, very easily, the judging comes in, and I judge what's going on. So easy for that to creep in, and oftentimes I haven't even realized it's going on. So really just to check: is there judging? And is it possible that that can be not fed, not feeding the judging? That's one piece, and perhaps Catherine will probably expand on some of this stuff.
And then another piece is, we talk about mindfulness, so being with what's difficult. And sometimes when we talk about mindfulness, we just think about attention. But mindfulness also has this acceptance quality. So what would it be to allow warmth to flow around the difficulty? Here is this jagged, dark rock in the water, but around it are warm waters. Somehow the awareness has some warmth, some kindness, some embracing around the difficulty. So it's a kind of mix of awareness and kindness in a more informal way.
Okay. So far, we've just got two categories. We've got the self, and this easiest person. And just to say, repeat what I said yesterday: you can go in any order you want. You can spend a whole session with one of those categories, whole session with another. You could split it in half. You could do first ten minutes with one, and then the rest with [the other]. It doesn't matter. Be flexible, and see what feels helpful. In other words, if it feels like you're banging your head against the wall, just change to the other one; it might be more helpful.
I've posted the phrases that I used yesterday on the noticeboard. Some of you might have noticed. But like I said, they're up to you. Also, it might not be that the phrases are primary, so I want to repeat that. It might not be your way of doing mettā, and that's fine.
If you're using the phrases, again, there's responsiveness and flexibility with that. So sometimes it's really helpful to be very dogged and very kind of systematic, and sometimes the mind is kind of all over the place, so it can be helpful to say each phrase twice: "May I be safe and protected. May I be safe and protected," and then move on to the next one. The first time, you're not even quite there, and the second one, it's kind of really pegging the attention in, sometimes. And say them quite clearly in the mind.
But at other times, it's like that's really not helpful. It's too cumbersome. It's too clunky. And in a way, we want perhaps to have more space between each phrase, or a phrase becomes just a word. So what would it be, just "peaceful, peaceful"? The whole thing's got more subtle, more quiet, more gentle, and to be too clunky with whole phrases, it won't serve it. It actually needs much more gentle kind of coaxing. Or perhaps you're saying the whole phrases, but there's more space in between them, or perhaps you're saying them much more quietly inside and you're kind of whispering them. Or perhaps you were using phrases, and the whole thing's just kind of beginning to harmonize more, and it feels like you don't need any phrases right now. Then stop the phrases. And you're just there with this body sense, and maybe a sense of the mettā, a sense of warmth. And you don't need anything. It's just gliding along. Sometimes in using the phrases, it's very helpful -- obviously we're saying the phrases, but you're also listening to them. So it's like, to say a phrase, and just let it reverberate in the being. Listen to the echoes of it. Absorb what you're saying to yourself.
There isn't one feeling of mettā. There's not one thing that's mettā. It's actually a constellation of different flavours, different colours, different experiences. So sometimes -- and remember, really important -- sometimes there's not going to be any feeling whatsoever. It's just going to feel dry, and that's completely fine. But sometimes there are different kind of experiences of the mettā beginning to grow a little bit. Sometimes it feels very calming. There's a real calmness to the mettā. Sometimes it feels very healing. There's a sense, a palpable sense of healing. Sometimes it's much more bright. It's kind of radiant. Sometimes it's bubbly. There's a kind of joy with it. It's effervescent. Sometimes there's a quality of warmth. Sometimes there's a quality of gentleness. All of these are part of mettā. They're the different flavours of mettā. And we want to allow them all. Sometimes the mettā turns into compassion naturally. When it meets suffering, it naturally turns into compassion. All of that is fine for our purposes right now. And when there's no feeling at all, completely fine. It does not matter. We're just planting those seeds with the intention.
So with that, following on from that, if I have this sensitivity to the whole body that I was talking about, I'm in this bubble and I'm sensitive to the texture and the feel, the field of this whole space, what I begin to notice -- as the mind gets a little bit more subtle over the days, over the time -- is that each word that I drop in, each pebble that I drop in to the body, mind, the space, it perhaps resonates differently, or it ripples differently.
So I'm doing the mettā, and let's say I've got to this phrase, "May you be peaceful, may I be peaceful," and I drop that in, and because there's a sensitivity to the body, I start to notice: "Oh, that's interesting. I actually feel with that word a kind of resonance in the body." Maybe I just start to feel a little bit peaceful, just with the suggestion of the word. Maybe it's very, very subtle. Not talking about anything remarkable, necessarily -- or it might be.
But part of the idea of being sensitive to the whole body is that we can then be sensitive to those bodily resonances, of the echoes in the being, of what we're dropping in. And then maybe I notice that with one of those phrases, let's say nothing much was happening, and then I notice -- I get to, let's say, "peaceful," and there's this, "Oh, that's interesting. It's just gotten very subtly a bit more peaceful." Then I can repeat that word, "peaceful," or that phrase, and I kind of ride that swell in the ocean. I ride that wave, just as long as that resonance is there. And then, maybe after a while, it sort of goes back to normal or whatever, or not much happening, and then I can move on. It's all part of this responsiveness.
There's something I want to introduce now. And for some people, it might feel like this is too early, and for other people, you'll know what I'm talking about, but I just want to say it and see where it lands. If I'm sensitive to the whole body and this whole space -- like I said, it really doesn't matter if there's a feeling or if there isn't a feeling -- but sometimes if I don't even say any, do any mettā, and I just sit, sensitive to the space, open to that bubble and tuning in, sometimes, if I don't put any pressure on the being, I begin to sense that that bubble actually feels pretty okay. There's a kind of pleasantness to the texture of it. There's a kind of hum in it, of a little bit of well-being. If I have this light, delicate attention that's open to that whole space, and sensitive, as I was saying before, sensitive to the nuances of the feeling, of the texture, of the vibration of that field, and then drawing them out gently, without grasping, without forcing or pressurizing, drawing them out a little bit. No demand, no pressure. And I'm not necessarily looking for anything remarkable. And I begin to see -- actually, it's almost like acknowledging that there's a certain vibration to the bodily energy field, and beginning to have confidence in that. And that begins to be kind of the basis of the mettā practice.
So where does that land when I say that? Does that make sense to you? Or does it sound completely abstract or ...?
Yogi: Makes sense, the boundary is like the -- how'd you call it? -- the container.
Rob: Uh-huh. Okay. It would help me to just have a little sense if it really doesn't make sense, and it's completely okay, so I'm just putting it out right now.
Yogi 2: Perhaps I can recognize the sense of resting in the space, almost like the mettā's built up an energy and you kind of rest in it.
Rob: Beautiful.
Yogi 2: What I don't quite understand or perhaps identify with is the drawing out that you mentioned.
Rob: Okay, so what you're saying, Julia, that's great. So when the mettā's going a little bit, then you realize there's that kind of quality in the space, and you're resting in that. So we don't need to add anything to that. I think what I wanted to just say is sometimes that feeling might be more accessible than one imagines. That sense of resting in that sense of the bubble, feeling just a subtle sense of well-being, might be more accessible than one imagines. And sometimes, even before you've done any mettā, you just go to that, and it's there.
It's almost like, if I just rest in the body, actually what's there is a lot of different -- what could we say? -- a lot of different frequencies of vibration. I just pay attention to the body now, in that bubble, maybe just try this, be in that whole bubble of awareness, and paying attention, and just opening to what's there. Very easily, the mind picks out certain frequencies, which might be the difficult frequencies. So it might be that you can also draw out some of the more comfortable ones. You're just tuning into those frequencies more. And then, of course, when we start dropping in maybe the mettā phrases or the intention of the mettā, it's a little bit starting those frequencies of the well-being, it's causing them to resonate a little bit more, and so they're easier to draw out with the attention and let that become the more predominant thing.
Yogi 3: I don't understand drawing out, but I understand more allowing.
Rob: Same thing, allowing. Yeah, both. Yeah, you're really allowing something. And for other people, or you at a different time, it might feel like you actually have a choice of which energies to kind of pay attention to. And in a way, you're allowing the more well-being ones to fill the field. Sometimes it'll feel like you're just kind of teasing them out of a mix, yeah. I think what I really want to say is to explore this, and it might, as I say, be a lot more accessible than you imagine, okay? But no pressure. No pressure. And like I said, there are these three baskets, so when it doesn't feel good, no problem. That's a totally, totally valid way of working: "I'm working now with difficulty." No problem.
Yogi 4: Rob, can I ask something?
Rob: Sure.
Yogi 4: Just that, what you've just been talking about -- so it's more like where you put your focus, is it?
Rob: Well, that's a little bit like with Sophie's thing. So sometimes it will feel like it's a matter of allowing that just engenders that; other times it will feel like more a matter of where you're putting your focus. One can be sitting, sitting or walking or whatever it is, and you pay attention to the body, and you notice, "Oh, there's this contraction around the throat or something," and maybe it's even, maybe there's an understanding of what it is, or whatever. Very easily, the mind gets sucked into that contraction. Now, it's really important to be able to meet that contraction and understand it and work with it well. As I said, that's part of the practice, and Catherine will talk about that tonight. But also sometimes we just habitually get sucked into what's difficult.
So maybe I notice: here's this contraction here, and actually the belly feels pretty okay. Maybe I even feel a little bit of warmth and ease and comfort. (I'm just making this up.) And then maybe I can actually choose to be a bit more here, rather than with my typical, "I always go to the difficulty, and I always get sucked into the difficulty." It's not that one's better or worse; it's just that there are different -- it's part of this playfulness and responsiveness. And what would it be to actually just sit here [in the area that feels okay] a bit more? Other times, going back to what Sophie said, it is more a matter of allowing. One just kind of opens up the field of the body, and is just sensitive and open there, and it's a matter of allowing this sense to emerge. And that sense of well-being, even if it's subtle and unremarkable, that pervades the bodily space, the bodily field -- that's really, really helpful in allowing the samādhi, the harmonizing, the concentration, the collecting of body, mind, and well-being. Extremely nourishing. Yeah?
Okay, last thing. We're doing mettā to the self. Obviously that's a big part. And it's interesting. I don't know -- you may already have noticed this, or maybe not, but I'll throw it out. Sometimes I'm (or this could actually be to another person, too, the easiest person), I'm giving mettā to myself, and the sense of self I have is my story, my journey, my history, my pains, my desires, and that's really important. It's what we might call the narrative self. So sometimes the mettā is towards the narrative self. And sometimes that might include one's sense of, you know, the child within one, and one's history, or the child present right now and all of that. Very beautiful, very necessary.
And sometimes the mettā gets -- what can we say? -- more quiet and more simple, and it's just a sense of this body, and this being, not much of a sense of story or history or past or future. It's just this field of body being now, and that's what the mettā is going towards. And so all that -- again, a spectrum: narrative to a kind of much more simple beingness -- all that's good, and it moves back and forth. There's a way, as this kind of harmonizing happens more and the samādhi deepens, it gets more and more to that simple side, but they're both really important.
Okay, so let's do a practice together now. Do you want me to guide it, or shall I just let you go for it?
Yogi 5: Can you guide it?
[28:55, guided meditation begins]
Okay. So taking a moment to really establish yourself in your meditation posture. And again, it's really just interesting to see if you can get a felt sense of this balance in the posture between uprightness and alertness on the one hand, and softness, relaxation, openness on the other hand. The body is reflecting a kind of ideal balance of the consciousness, of the heart, of the mind.
Feeling the simple sensations of sitting. And again, if you like, if it feels helpful, kind of centring your awareness, letting the centre of the awareness be at the centre of the chest. But only if that feels helpful; it's really not necessarily a big deal. And then from that centre, opening up this bubble, this balloon, this container of awareness to include the whole space of the body, the energy body, the field of attention, the field of vibration and feeling and texture, and just sitting in that space for a few moments. Sensitive, stretching the attention, the mindfulness, the presence, stretching the presence, to open up that space, and just inhabiting it, feeling into it, filling it with presence. So we're sensitive to the feeling as a whole, of that whole space, open to it. Seeing if this sense, this sensitivity to the whole body, can stay at the centre of the whole mettā practice throughout. It's always at the centre. It's always a piece. And we lose it, and we keep coming back to it, and it shrinks, and we keep re-expanding it, re-stretching it. So we're, as much as possible, staying sensitive to the whole body.
You're welcome to just hang out in that space and just the feeling of that space if it feels helpful. [33:12] Or when you're ready, deciding where you'd like to start with the mettā, with either yourself or the easiest person. Starting where it feels easiest. Really following the path of least resistance. If it's yourself, beginning to wrap, to bind your body, your being, in this kindness, in this tenderness and care. "May I be safe and protected. May I be filled with happiness. May I be peaceful. May I live with ease and kindness." If you're using the phrases, let the tone of the inner voice express kindness, express well-wishing. It's not a demand.
Imagining the light, or the kinaesthetic sense, even imagining the kinaesthetic sense, imagining a warmth permeating the being, surrounding.
We don't need to do anything at all to deserve loving-kindness. It's not a matter of deserving -- just because we are. The Buddha said you could search the entire universe for someone more deserving of loving-kindness than yourself, and you will not find that being. You will not find anyone more deserving of loving-kindness than yourself. Whatever we think of ourselves, or what we've done or not done. Just because we are.
So just as much as possible, staying sensitive to the whole body, the whole field of the bodily feeling, texture. Keep stretching that space, coming back to that. And offering the well-wishing, offering the intention of kindness within that, from that, without force or pressure. The phrases, the intention of mettā, like gentle waves of a lake, just lapping, gently, softly at the shore, like a breeze touching the cheek, like a light summer rain.
And whenever you feel ready, if you've been offering the mettā towards yourself, then inviting the sense, the image of this easiest person into the heart, and if you've been already doing them, then letting them go and beginning to offer the mettā towards yourself, transitioning in your own time, sensitive to the whole body, open to the whole space of the body.
If you have a visual kind of mind, and you're visualizing this person, what would it be to imagine them, to see them happy? Play with that image. See them smiling. See them peaceful. Their body, their being, bathed, permeated with the healing kindness of this well-wishing.
Or if it feels appropriate and you're visual, if it feels okay to see yourself touching them, stroking them, with kindness, expressing that tenderness, that care, through touch. Finding what works for you. Phrases, visualization, kinaesthetic sense, the body radiating this energy, this warmth.
Just gently persistent, patient, open to the whole field and feeling of the whole body, without demanding. Just as much as is possible, connecting over and over and over to the intention of kindness, the intention of well-wishing, over and over, connecting to that and open, receptive to the body.
[53:50, guided meditation ends]
