Working with the Emotional Body (Instructions and Guided Meditation: Day Three)

This series of guided meditations and instructions presents a set of tools and approaches for working skilfully with emotions and mind states in practice.

Okay, so let's review a little bit and then add a little bit more. So the first kind of meditative exercise that we did, we could say, we're really paying attention to the experience along this central axis. And whatever's there that calls the attention, that reflects or manifests, is an expression of the mind state, the heart state, the emotional state. But I don't even have to worry about, "Is this a reflection or is it just indigestion?", or whatever. [laughter] Doesn't matter. Just go there and trust. And then also, interestingly, yeah, I check it out and maybe there's an area that feels like it's calling my attention a little more. So you can linger there and explore that. But it's also really interesting sometimes to go where we don't particularly feel called, as I said. So it might be I don't really feel anything there, or I never go down here, or I never go up here. That would be quite interesting, too. So sometimes let yourself go where you don't usually go.

And, again, this is review, but sometimes I'm clear what's going on: this that I'm experiencing is clearly this emotion of grief, or this emotion of joy or whatever it is. But oftentimes -- probably most of the time -- I don't know. It's not even possible to find the right word, the right vocabulary that kind of sums up the experience. Which is really interesting -- that's the nature of our reality, that we don't so easily fit into these kind of rigid building blocks of language.

Just to say briefly about using a labelling of what's going on or a noting of what's going on. Sometimes the mind does that spontaneously. It just says "sadness" or whatever. And sometimes people do it more deliberately as part of the practice. It's fine, but experiment with all of this, all of it, because labelling can be very helpful sometimes, and sometimes not so helpful. It can be helpful because sometimes it brings clarity: I know what's going on. It also brings a sense of, what could we say, distance, space between the experience and the self, if you like, or the consciousness. And that space creates a bit of ease. Instead of being entangled in something, that space creates a bit of perspective and ease and calm, even.

So it can be very helpful, the labelling, and maybe sometimes not so helpful because -- I don't know if you've noticed this -- sometimes the mind labels something -- here's this fizziness in the chest, and the mind says "fear," and it becomes fear after I label it. Maybe it was just fizziness in the chest, and what happens if I just label it "excitement"? And then it goes towards excitement. Similar with sadness or whatever. So the labelling is not a kind of neutral activity; it's actually part of the fabrication of what's going on, many times. So, not good, not bad; not wrong, not right, but naming something will kind of lead to a certain unfoldment, and not naming something will lead to another unfoldment. So experiment with all this. Play with it. This is our life. This is the fabric of our life on retreat, off retreat.

And then yesterday morning we introduced this idea, which has gone by different names, of a sort of bubble of awareness, or an egg, a larger space, and not so focused in on the central axis and the experience there in a narrow way, but actually opening up the awareness a little bit to encompass the whole body and the global sense of experience of the whole body. And a few people were saying in the groups, you know, that's uncomfortable. If you say 'balloon' or whatever else, it's uncomfortable to feel like it has this membrane or distinct edge to it. Well, it doesn't have to. It completely doesn't have to. It could just be a fuzzy, undefined space. What we're really doing is exploring the feeling of this space here, that's all. We're exploring the texture of that.

We could say, and maybe better words to say, that what we're really doing is opening up to the experience of the energy body, if you like. But even that, and someone pointed out, "Well, that's a concept. It's an image. And that makes me a bit nervous," and, you know, fair enough. It is a concept, it is an image -- although I would challenge anyone to show me something that isn't a concept and an image in life -- but anyway, concepts and images are very useful because they guide. They guide the attention, and in this case they're guiding the attention and guiding the consciousness towards, if we're really strict with language, towards a perception that's helpful. So everything in life is perception (we may get to this on this retreat). There's nothing that's not perception. Then it's a question of "Well, which perceptions are helpful, and which perceptions are not so helpful?" So having a perception of a field here and the feeling in it, that can be a very helpful, resourceful perception. And that's really what we're doing. And if I throw out words like 'bubble' or 'balloon' or whatever, it doesn't really mean there's a balloon here; it's just something to support an opening and a certain direction of the perception which can be really deeply resourceful, in time, when practised, as we said yesterday.

And what to do with this? Well, it's just opening out the awareness and kind of hanging out in there, and hanging out particularly in the texture of it. So what does it feel like, what's the (I use these words) vibration, the energy, the feeling, the felt sense of that whole space? Maybe there are areas that feel very different one area to another, fine; maybe it all feels the same, also fine. But what is that? What is the feeling there? To feel and to notice. And if it's at all pleasant, to enjoy it, to really let yourself enjoy it and bathe in it and be bathed in it. Let it really touch. There's something potentially very, very healing, deeply healing to the cells and the being and the consciousness here, incredibly healing.

So it's really okay to wallow in it and bathe in it if it feels good. And the Buddha says, "This is a pleasure I will allow myself."^[1] And sometimes, of course, it doesn't feel pleasant, but when it does, to enjoy that. And really to keep stretching this space, because almost always the habit is for it to shrink. It keeps shrinking. When we get distracted, it will shrink. When we get tired, it will shrink. When even none of that, it will just shrink. So you keep kind of expanding the space and filling out that space, inhabiting that space with awareness.

So far so good, right? Just review. Okay. So let's introduce a few more just very little things today. Well, maybe they're not that little. What is the thinking mind doing with all this? What is it doing particularly with the experience in the moment? So we have an experience, I have a heartache, I have an absence of feeling or whatever -- what is the thinking mind commenting and judging and saying and assessing and evaluating? What is it doing in relationship to what's going on? I'm sure you've bumped into this already. When I taught this somewhere else I introduced that on the first day. And of course, you know, that's what's going to come up. Something goes on, and the thinking mind cannot leave it alone, and comes usually very heavy-handed, convinced of its assessment of it.

So what is the thinking mind doing with the experience? And, you know, when we talk about mindfulness, mindfulness has a kind of breadth to it. It's not just lost in its object. It has a sense of what else is in the picture, what else is in the field. It has a breadth. So I'm mindful perhaps along this central axis, but I notice, what are the reactions? What (particularly today I'm interested in) are the assumptions? What are the mind's assumptions about my experience, about what's going on? Now, by that I don't yet mean -- and I'm not sure if we'll get to this on this retreat; we probably won't -- but I don't yet mean what the mind says in terms of the story of why I'm feeling this. So, "I'm feeling this because when I was young such-and-such happened," or whatever. That's actually really important, as I said in the opening talk. I feel our narrative and our story -- or plural: stories, narratives -- are really important to work with skilfully, really important. But I don't know if we're going to have time on this retreat to get into all that.

So rather, I mean things like, if I'm experiencing a difficult emotion, how quickly the mind can come in and say, "This is not right. There's something wrong here. It shouldn't be like this." Have you noticed the mind doing this? "It shouldn't be like this," if it's difficult. But of course, another person might have the opposite tendency, or the same person at another time. If it's good, if I feel good, if I feel positivity, "This can't be right. I must be out of touch with something." Or a sense of what's good and positive and easeful is somehow worthless or worth less than what is difficult, because in what is difficult is what is 'real,' and "I'm really getting to the roots of my stuff," and that is kind of elevated. So what is the mind doing at the different times? And of course, if I don't particularly feel anything, then very easy for the mind to come and say, "I should be feeling something stronger. I should be feeling something clearer. It should stay more steady," as I said at one time. "Shouldn't be all this shifting of the experience. Shouldn't be so ephemeral." Or simply, "It should be different." Or "There should be more catharsis. It should be more ... something coming out."

And then, again, "What does it mean about me that I'm feeling this right now?" What's the conclusion about the self? "I'm feeling this again. Again I'm feeling angry. Again I'm feeling depressed. Again I'm feeling a block." So there's a tension in the belly or in the heart and I make this conclusion about myself because there's a tension somewhere in the body. And maybe there's a tension quite frequently when I look, and I make a conclusion about my whole life and my whole personality. It's so painful when then the mind believes that and gets constricted in certain self-views. Very limiting, very self-punishing. "What does it mean about me if there's this or that experience?"

Now, actually, I would say that it's good that this comes up; it's good that we see this. So rather than seeing the mind's commentary on what's going on and its assumptions as a problem, as "I wish I'd just get rid of that. Then I could meditate properly and right," actually it's really good to see them. It's really good that it's coming up and the mind is spewing all this judgment forth because, you know what? It goes on out there. It goes on all day long, and we may be aware of it, or not so aware of it, or semi-aware of it, but for it to come up here in the spotlight is a really good thing.

So an encouragement not to see that as a problem but really as an opportunity, because these judgments come up and they have enormous effect. They have an enormous effect on my sense of self-worth, my sense of existence and life, of what opens up for me as a human being or what roads are closed for me because of what we believe of what the mind says. Devastating effect. So really good, really good that all that, what could be regarded as mental noise that I want to get rid of, really good that it comes up on this retreat. Can I see it? Can I notice it? And is it possible for a little bit of doubt to come in? There's a little bit of space around it. It's like, "Oh. Well, maybe it's not true, this verdict on myself, this verdict on the experience."

[14:47, guided meditation begins]

So I wonder if we can do a few little exercise kind of games now together. Meditative ones. So, you know, I'm tempted to say don't even get in the meditation posture. Because, like I said, I think it was on the opening talk, I really want this to be quick. It doesn't need all this finagling with the body and stuff. [laughter] It's like, I can just pay attention to what's going on emotionally in the body whatever position I'm in and wherever I am. So you can if you want, but you don't [have to] necessarily.

But wherever you are, feel the body. Whatever posture you want to be in, it's completely fine. Sense of sitting again. And now, let's go into the first practice. Let's go in. So you're just sensing the body, settling into the body, and then tuning into what's prominent, perhaps, or whatever the experience is along this central axis. It's very gentle, the open hands of awareness. Just finding your way into the practice.

Now, you can't really focus on the mind's thoughts or the assumptions; it's more like you notice them in the bigger space of awareness, in the field of what's going on, in the periphery almost. So as you're noticing the experience in the central axis, can you also notice what the mind is saying, what assumptions it's making about the experience right now? Whatever they are, can you let them reveal themselves? You're really kind of noticing what's going on, so to speak, sometimes at the edge of experience; sometimes it might be more central.

Okay. Was it possible to notice anything there? No? Yes? Yeah, good. Okay, let's do it again. So, same thing. Get quick access, quick access. Just feel the body, settle, feel in, and just open out a little bit to notice what else -- what's this commentary? In a way, we're just scattering lightly the seeds of doubt into the mix.

Okay. So I just wanted to offer that as something -- in a way, it's expanding the practice a little bit. In a way, sometimes you can just check in a little bit, kind of at different times in the practice, what's going on at that level. This all make sense? Yeah? Yeah, good. Okay. So there is noticing and being aware of what the mind is saying and doing.

Let's try something else. So coming into 'meditation' again, so to speak, in inverted commas, 'meditation.' Sensing the body, settling in the body, and again, finding the experience in the body, tuning in. Now, just connecting. Would it be possible, even for a moment or two, to introduce the thought, to actually consciously think, "This experience right now, this that is arising right now, is exactly right, is exactly perfect"? So I'm just deliberately thinking a certain thing in relationship to the experience. It's exactly the right manifestation. The intuitive intelligence of the being, you could say the Buddha-nature, the flow of that intelligence, is manifesting in this way, and it's perfect. It's just right. It's offering me exactly what's right.

So I don't know -- does that feel possible, to introduce that thought? Do you notice if it has an effect or not? I mean, because it might not, as well. Sometimes it will, or there could be a backlash; there could be all kinds of things. Like I said, we can be aware of what the mind is doing, then I could actually introduce a certain thinking, a certain attitude. And what does this mean? I mean, actually it opens up a whole can of worms, in a way. What does it mean to trust the depths of the being? Because oftentimes we don't. You know, you could say that what arises is just the result of conditioning, etc. That's one view. You could just play with another view, which is actually what's arising is a manifestation of some deep, intuitive intelligence in the being, of the Buddha-nature, of the innate wisdom mind. That's another view. So there are different views, and there's also a whole other level which is just noticing that the view that I have in the mind affects the experience. So whether I believe this view or not, I'm seeing an insight that the view that I have affects experience. So you can play with this, even play with it for just a minute, or play with it just for a few seconds or something. We're shaking up the consciousness out of the ruts that it gets into.

Does that one feel clear enough? That's a second little exercise. Yeah? Okay. Third and last one for today, also very short and quick little thing. I just want things that you can kind of throw in or open up into your practice at certain points that might move something or help something a little bit. So at some point -- maybe it was on the first morning; I can't remember -- I tried to explain this concept about that there's a certain amount of energy, of psychic energy, sort of wrapped up in an emotion, and then attention, too, has energy. And if the energy in the emotion is more than the energy of the attention, we're in trouble. But if the energy of the attention can kind of be larger than the energy of the emotion, then we feel in a much better place, and we are in a much better place in regards to what's going on.

So the big question then becomes, "Well, what can I do to kind of increase the energy of the attention relative to the energy of the emotion?" Let's just try this, and then I'll explain it. So again, whatever posture you're in, coming into the body, same thing, coming into the body, settling in the body, connecting with the experience, just knowing it. And now, chopping off the past and chopping off the future. Just chop them off. Gone. They don't matter. It's just this moment, just right now, right now. Nothing else. This immediate moment.

Okay. Now, that's very difficult to sustain. You can just relax a little bit and then kind of dive back in again. So you find the body, you find the experience, and again, just jettison, jettison the past and the future. Just chop them off, chop them off, so all you've got is this narrow micro-moment. Just this experience right now, right now, nothing else, nothing else. Does this feel possible to get a glimpse of this? Or is that more difficult? Possible, yeah? So it's probably very hard to sustain, but you can get a glimpse of it.

Now, why is that significant? We talk all the time about being in the moment, mindfulness, being in the moment, but actually to sustain it, it's very difficult. I would say it's almost a way that consciousness works, to bring in the past and future, and it's very hard to not do that. It's an important part of how consciousness works. But what we can do sometimes is just have these kind of extra-energized moments of just really chopping off the past and the future. Oftentimes, we bring in past and future in a way that really weighs us down: "This tension in my shoulder, this knot in my heart area, it's been there so long." And every time I feel it in the moment, I bring in those years and all the conclusions that I've made about myself, and everything else from those years. And I project forward: "It's going to be here." Or if it's not years, it's minutes or hours. And it's almost like the whole thing that I'm carrying then is much longer. It's like trying to walk or stand with a big beam, you know, going into the future and the past, that you're kind of weighed down by. And this weighing down means the energy of the emotion has more energy than the energy of the attention. So when I chop off past and future, I'm actually unweighing things. So you can play with that, too. That's something you can just drop in, and see what it does.

So this business about being quick is also really important because -- and I said this, I think, in the opening talk -- we can expect meditation to be, "I shouldn't be distracted. I should have a steady attention, and if it's not, then I'm not meditating." And so that could be one of the assumptions that I'm having, of course, as well. But actually, in terms of the work we're doing, distraction, being distracted, is more like our life. I'm walking down the city street, and a million things are coming on me: someone says this, the phone rings, I get a text message, whatever it is. Distraction all the time, all the time. That's my life. So, in a way, it's actually good in terms of this ability to check in quickly. If you feel very distracted, I think it's really good, is what I'm saying. And the ability to not get locked into this view of "I shouldn't be distracted," because it mimics life and I can check in quickly. Something interesting definitely happens when I sustain the attention on what's going on -- you've probably noticed that already -- but if it's choppy, if the attention is choppy, that's also very good and very helpful.

Okay. So let's just sit for some minutes together. And feel free now -- you have a range of things to play with. And don't get overwhelmed. Just take what feels useful in the moment and stay with that. Really not forgetting this climate of kindness, this realization of practice as kindness, as gift.

[49:30, meditation ends]

So we talk a lot in this tradition, the Insight Meditation tradition, about continuity of awareness, continuity of mindfulness -- very empowering for the practice to actually gently try and sustain a continuity of attentiveness in the day. I think particularly for us now in relation to what we just talked about this morning, it might be keeping in mind this possibility of just checking in, just checking in, and these sort of dips in to see what's going on, what the experience is, and what's happening there, and working with it. Even just very shortly can be really powerful.

So peppering the day, wherever you are -- not just in here or in the walking meditations, but wherever you are, checking in. You're in the queue for mealtime -- what's going on? Or walking to get a tea, just checking in. Sometimes that's helped a little bit if you actually slow down the physical movements a little bit. The ability to be in touch with, to notice what's going on is helped just by walking slower, moving more slowly and more gently. It's almost as if awareness can pervade the system more when there's more slowness at first, until we're practised more and more with awareness, and it doesn't matter, fast, slow, or whatever. So that might be helpful, if you think about peppering the day and you think about just slowing down the movements, the physical movements.